This was back in 2010. I had no real experience with stray cats. I had my indoor cat Cookie — a spoiled brat with all the expensive food she wanted (and rejected, because she always had a full belly), and toys, toys, toys, and fun.
Then I met stray cat Silly in my backyard.
I wanted her to stay.
Silly was different. She was always hungry. And distant. She had different needs than Cookie, and I was learning about her every day. She needed steady food. She kept coming back. She was okay spending time in my shed, I think she liked the comfy blankets I put there for her. And so after a couple of months… that distrusting, semi-wild cat began circling my feet — and finally touched my leg.
The rubs never ended after that.
And what I noticed most was this: even when I brought out food, Silly seemed more interested in safety, belonging, stability, and love — more than food.
After Silly passed away in 2014, I made a promise to always help stray and feral cats.
Not long after that, I ended up taking in two cats, Medo and Pupa, from a hoarder situation. There were around 40 cats in that house, and a group of us volunteers each took a few.
I brought the two of them home and set them up in my backyard enclosure. They needed about 6 weeks to “imprint” — to get used to the area, the smells, the sounds, and their new “mom” (me!).
And that’s where the journey really started.
Patience… and then more patience
It takes time.
Not days. Sometimes weeks. Sometimes longer.
Stray cats don’t live like indoor cats. They’ve survived by being cautious. Their world has taught them that getting too close can be dangerous. So when you show up — even with good intentions — they don’t immediately trust that.
Just be consistent and calm. Sit nearby. Move slowly. Don’t force anything. Let them decide when.
At some point, something shifts. You’ll notice it.
Food helps — but it’s not magic
Food is how you start.
You feed, you wait, you show up again the next day… and the next. Little by little, the cat starts to recognize you. Maybe at first it keeps its distance. Then one day it stays a bit closer. And eventually, you notice it’s actually waiting for you, and beginning to trust you.
With my cats, I always fed them in the exact same spot. Same place, same routine. And over time, that routine became the thing they trusted.
More than the food itself, it’s the consistency that matters.
They begin to understand that there’s stability there. And that stability becomes more important than food.
The transition indoors
A lot of guides say:
“Just move the bowl closer to the house.”
Yes — that’s part of it.
But every cat is different.
Some will walk in within days.
Some will stand at the door for weeks.
Some will walk in… panic… and run right back out.
It’s like us — we’re all different.
Silly never liked being indoors. She would come inside, maybe eat, drink some water… and then walk right back out. One time I closed the backyard door, and she freaked out and peed on the wall in my kitchen ☹ So I stopped trying.
After Silly passed away, I actually had no stray cats left in the neighborhood. Believe it or not, it was most likely because I had been doing TNR for years — which is a good thing. That should be the goal: no homeless cats.
So I brought Medo and Pupa from the hoarder’s home and placed them in the backyard enclosure for 6 weeks. After that, I opened the enclosure door and just observed.
They stayed.
The backyard became their new extended home. They lived there for a while, and I kept the door to the house open. And soon… they walked in.
They found the couch — which is basically in the room leading to the backyard, the “cat room” — and they found the toys.
It didn’t take long. They moved in.
A cozy bed, toys, and a peaceful night without having to stay alert for every little noise. Who wouldn’t trade that?
Litter boxes
Stray cats don’t magically understand litter boxes.
Some figure it out quickly. Others don’t.
My former stray cat Punto learned immediately.
My current Medo (yes, another Medo 😄)… not so much. He just doesn’t get it. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
If you’ve read my blog about Medo’s post-surgery, that’s when he was forced to stay in a small bathroom and had to use a litterbox (with litter, sand, soil, and leaves mixed together — trying to mimic outdoors).
My first Medo from the hoarder situation didn’t understand the litter box either at first. He peed on my bed multiple times ☹ (and that’s actually how the idea for waterproof bed covers was born).
Eventually, he stopped. Why? I don’t know.
People try to figure it out, but it could be so many things — new environment, stress, confusion…
Cats have their own reasons — and we don’t always get to know them.
Don’t be hard on yourself because of that.
Indoor life needs to feel better than outdoor life
You’re not forcing a cat to stay inside.
A cat chooses inside when it feels better.
Safe. Warm. Comfortable.
Soft beds, food, quiet spaces, toys — all of that matters.
Once a cat associates your home with comfort, things change.
They start choosing to stay.
Let them come to you
Don’t grab. Don’t rush affection.
Let them decide.
They might come close quickly… or not.
They might rub against you. Sit near you. Maybe one day… sleep next to you.
That’s not something you force.
Some cats never fully come close.
My cat Nera (also rescued and “imprinted” in my enclosure for the first 6 weeks) has been with me for almost 6 years — and still doesn’t let me touch her. But she shows me in her own way that she’s comfortable. She runs away from me… but then runs to her favorite scratcher, looks at me, and scratches like crazy. I know she feels safe and comfortable.
She’s the one who prefers being indoors the most. As if she is thinking “I know what’s out there. I was out there in the cold with my 3 babies on a busy street. I prefer it here’.
Then there’s Punto — when I first trapped him for TNR, he was wild. Hissing like crazy. The vet even wrote “MEAN” on his cage.
And now?
He’s the biggest cuddle. Sleeps with me every night.
You just never know how things will turn out with them.
I treat them all the same, I’m patient, kind, talk softly to them. Some hug me every night, others run away. Don’t be harsh on yourself if things don’t work out. It’s their personality. Remember, they are all different, like we people are.
Accidents will happen (and that’s okay)
Stray cats get startled easily. They don’t always have perfect control at first. They’re adjusting to a completely new environment.
So yes — accidents happen.
Instead of getting frustrated, prepare for it.
That’s actually why I ended up creating my waterproof covers — because I went through this myself and couldn’t find anything that worked. Now I feel confident with the waterproof covers on beds and couches. And this is not only for peeing accidents… It’s also for dirt from outside. How many times my Punto or Medo come indoors filthy from rolling around on the ground. :D But I let them be. I know they roll because they are happy.
Talk to a vet early
If you befriend a stray or feral cat and consider giving it a home, it’s worth speaking to a vet.
They can guide you on vaccinations and basic health care. The kitty should be spayed/neutered, to prevent unnecessary births (there are tons of unwanted cats in shelters already). Stray cats come with unknown histories, so this step really matters. Make sure the kitty gets the necessary shots. A microchip is a good idea if you are considering making the kitty part of your family. They can disappear for days. And they can get injured and taken to a shelter. The shelter will always check whether a cat has a microchip.
Final thoughts
Every stray cat is different.
Some will trust quickly.
Some will take time.
Some will surprise you.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from doing this over and over again, it’s this:
👉 consistency, a sense of belonging, and safety matter more than anything — even more than food.
And when it finally clicks…
When that once-cautious stray cat curls up next to you like they’ve always belonged there…
There’s nothing like it.
Earning the trust of a stray or feral cat is one of the most rewarding things there is. 🐈⬛
